Stafon Johnson recovery increasingly embarrassing for USC, Stafon Johnson

2009: A Year

Bochy's Oversized Pillow is kicking off the new year by steadfastly refusing to acknowledge the passage of time and instead maintaining the delusion that 2009 never ended (we borrowed this strategy from Frank McCourt's mission statement for the winter GM meetings). Here are some of the most underreported sports stories of the year, starting with the fall of Troy. Kudos to Ms. Alexa Vaughn for help with the pic. If you'd like to contact Alexa, you can reach her at reevesnelsoncreepyorhot?@ucla.edu.

Sep 30, 2009: Stafon Johnson Recovery Increasingly Embarrassing for USC, Stafon Johnson

Los Angeles, CA--University of Southern California students, faculty and administrative officials are growing increasingly concerned that the recovery of running back Stafon Johnson has become embarrassing for both Johnson and the university.

Johnson, who crushed his larynx during a freak weightlifting accident just two games into the season, can no longer speak and has thus relied on writing on a legal pad to communicate with everyone around him. This has presented unanticipated problems.

"We can deal with the occasional misspelling or grammatical error, that's to be expected," said USC Athletic Director Mike Garrett. "But everytime he puts something down on paper, it's at best incoherent, and at worst with ampersands instead of vowels. Thank God nothing like this ever happened with Maualuga, we'd be fucked."

The issue has also become something of a setback for Johnson's rehabilitation efforts, according to USC speech coach Kenneth Bloomquest.

"One day he held up his pad and it said, 'whatah, pleeze'. And I looked at it, and was naturally confused and asked what he meant. And then he wrote down, 'H40 dummy, wtf?!?!?!?!' Turns out he wanted water. This was very frustrating."

Sources close to Johnson say the running back himself has felt more self-conscious about his recovery, and is more and more reluctant to write out his responses. When he approves of something or wishes to respond affirmatively, he now simply flashes the famous USC "V" with his fingers. When he disapproves, he headbutts whoever is closest to him.